When on the Brink of Quitting, that’s When You Got to PUSH Harder.
Let yourself feel uncomfortable, you learn more.
Original published on Medium.
Photo by Aziz Acharki
I know it sounds crazy that while you’re already feeling down, crying or having a stressful situation it seems impossible to get out of. Or that maybe you think there are no solutions to a particular problem happening in your life at the moment.
That’s when you have two options:
Do I stay here feeling sorry for myself and making excuses in my head: why it wouldn’t work or how I wouldn’t be able to do it? I don’t have the money for that, or I couldn’t afford that or I don’t have TIME! (personally my least favorite word these days)
Or
2. You take it, process, think of one positive thing that could change the view of your current situation, take one-thing-at-the-time, take action from the heart and keep going!
If you’re forcing yourself to do something you don’t really like/love to do,The second option, will seem conceited and unattainable for some of you. However, those of you that are keeping their work and well being(mentally and physically) somewhat balanced, you will be more open to the second option. Stay consistent with your words and actions towards your co-workers, friends, acquaintances, parents and with your children. More importantly, don’t give up on yourself and remember to take care of you.
In other words, I’m here to remind you my earthlings, if you continue forcing your own persona to do something, anything that does not fall into your own spirit-self this will come back and bite you every time. Especially, when you least expect it. This year has started full of reflections, lessons, old trauma healing and things that I’ve neglected or left it for later.
What you keep in your mind you will definitely feel it in your body; the fatigue of betraying your soul’s basic human need. By denying your mind and soul’s basic needs, you will cause depression, anxiety, stress, burn outs. Sound familiar?
These are some of the mental health issues that arise when you’re forcing yourself (aka your soul) to do things that are not meant for you.
I know we are stubborn creatures and like things one way or the other. It feels safe and we all seek for security. Man, we even create useless wars just for having control of what we “consider” safety. We all have different preferences but in the end, we all want the same things; to love and be loved,have a secure place to live, feel connected, belonging and be surrounded by those we love.
Let me give you an example from what I’ve come to learn and how I understand (finally!) the meaning of Parenting Universe. But also, how I forgot that doing something you hate, kills a part of who you really are and conditions you to keep your potential dormant or never discover how to handle your superpower.
My daughter is 4 years old now. At her last ballet show last year, when the time came to show off what’s she’s been learning every Sunday morning for the past 4 months. she refused to do the dance and was petrified in front of a bunch of other parents. She kept fidgeting and you could tell she wasn’t as girly or that she had any friends in this class. I wondered why I hadn’t seen it before? Or why she didn’t let us know?
That’s when I realized I may not have been a good “mom” and that my relationship with my daughter needed to change. Right there in front, all the parents, smiling to their kids but they were looking at us like “Man, these guys are clueless as to what the heck their supposed to be doing?”…
I knew then that my daughter was having a hard time to voice what she really wanted. She was not being truthful to herself and at the same time she was still dealing with her parents separation. I knew then that I was failing as a parent. I was lacking communication and losing my connection with my reason for existing. I love my two little creatures so much, I would walk through fire if I had to. But I was becoming something I always swore I wouldn’t do to my kids, That’s when I knew if I don’t do something to change, then my girls would suffer in the future. Insecurity and lack of communication are self-esteem traits that need to be properly nurtured and guided.
They are still children and their infancy is precious, but we shouldn’t raise no fools or let them be naive about important life lessons. Communicating our intentions can open a lot of doors but can also close them. The point is, that voicing our true intentions can also liberate our own expectations that we all have for ourselves. We need to remember to relax and be patient with not only others but ourselves as well.
After talking to her at home, she told me she loved spending time with her dad. He takes her to ballet every Sunday morning and she really just wanted to make him happy by doing something he thought she loved and going to the restaurant afterwards. In other words, she loves the attention and spending her time with one of the people she loves the most.
Nothing to do with ballet… See?
Communication is so vital. But the most important lesson here is. if you force yourself to do what you hate or worse, you do it because you are trying to please an external source rather than your own self, that’s a killer. Don’t do that to yourself.
Trust me, what you love will always come out of you in the most unexpected places or moments in your life.
You will be forced to show your vulnerability one way or the other. We all do. It’s part of life. In front of the class, at a business meeting, during an event, at a family gathering or my personal favorite, getting drunk at a party and telling everyone your personal problems.
When you show your true self, in front of other people, you are faced with the reality that some people will like you and others won’t. It could be jealousy or something else,who knows and who cares.
So, I decided instead of playing the victim and not trying to find solutions in order for my kids to grow up stronger in their minds and to be sure of their decisions. That everything comes with a price and consequences whether we like it or not. Life is not fair for everybody but we can try to make it better for others and ourselves.
So I decided to focus on my girls and be more strategic with my time as a freelance writer, business owner and single mother of two. I started with meditation and exercising then started living a more minimalist lifestyle, became a vegetarian and focused on helping others achieve greatness. Building, teaching, encouraging, guiding and connecting others with the right person; are callings that I didn’t just acquire magically. There were a lot of tears, sweat, disappointments, failing a lot, and at the end of the day a whole lot of experiences.
In the end, it came down to building a mindset stronger than my crazy life. In other words, build a strong self-discipline and adding self-care (whenever possible.. A 15 minute meditation in my book helps “avoid burn-outs”). I’m grateful for the hardships and struggles because they made me stronger and I guess, wiser. I can see the little trunks of what I planted 3 years ago. I never gave up on my self or others. I learned to leap even if I fail, because there was always a lesson to be learned and I have to keep going.
You don’t just magically know what you want to do right away. It’s a long process that takes a lot of inner and outer work. Its like mastering a skill, but the mind has more at stake and you are the weapon. You control the rules of the game. You just have to build better rules strategies and understand yourself before and not let other external forces bring you down, so then later, you can teach others to do the same.
It’s even better helping kids to find that happy place that its within. Once you know what you want to do for the rest of your life you can help others do the same. It’s pretty amazing and priceless. Which is why I decided to write about my experiences in the form of a book. Its coming out soon :)
This is one of my main goals as I’m going through this journey as a new founder and single mother of two toddlers. I want to teach them to be sure of what they want and to be okay with rejections, mistakes and teach them that self-care is so important (I don’t know how I would be able to do ALL this without it) But also to teach them that you do not always get what you want, which trust me is a good thing! You learn about perseverance and patience for sure. Thank you, Next! (Yes, I just quoted Arianna song)
And finally, the rules are there not to punish you, but helps keep order and builds character.
It’s always your choice, anything you decide today or now. It’s your own decision. It just feels good to blame others when you make a decision that sucked! But hey! Options are always there. You just have to decide which choice you are willing to live with even if it doesn’t turn out the best …Take the bad and turn it into good. It takes work but in the end it’s worth it.
But don’t rush it, one thing at a time. To get to this point, it takes a lot of practice, consistent productive habits, discipline and flexibility. But also, learning to not overthink and just go for it.
We are not supposed to be these perfect creatures that get everything perfectly. Prioritize planning ahead so the stress level of the unknown does not come as too much of a surprise.
Remember, we are all trying to survive and adapt to the always changing and fast paced society we live in. However, you can now predict some of your outcomes throughout your day. Time management or scheduling your stressors, helps you cope with your life unpleasantries and unexpected surprises.
Saving and investing habits helps too. Giving back to your community whenever you can.
Learn from people you admire. They have been building mechanisms to deal with life when it gets messy and super hard but they still manage to build their successful businesses.It can take a lot from you if your not ready for all that life has to offer. Option 2 was my choice when I started building Writersyep and thinking… What a crazy idea? Let’s see what happens…
You know the one that comes out of the blue to either knock you down or lift you up. Or knock you down many, many, many, times but you still stay consistent, fight for what you believe is right… The choice is always in your hands.
by Angie Abreu Olivo -Founder and Writer.
