In Grief, Self-Care and Creativity Actually Mean Self-Preservation.
#4 podcast episode. You need to heal and deal with your own pain. Because Misery loves company.
Photo by Naomi August
Originally published on Medium.
“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.” — Helen Keller
Grieving A Mother is Not Easy.
Still grateful that she’s finally free from suffering and pain.
A lot happens before and after 11:10 pm on 18/11/2020. My mother was the joy, the love, and her humble and caring spirit was what kept us going. Even when she was super sick and in pain, she never stopped smiling and making us laugh in her own way. Honestly, those who got to know her, have so much love and appreciation for her presence and unconditional loving that will still remain in all our hearts forever.
Grieving a dear loved one is hard, let alone a mother. It has been a couple of days of funerals, adjusting to a new way of being in pain and happiness at the same time. Acknowledging that our creativity gets affected by pain and grief. That we do grief actually all the time. We just have learned to push it down or repress it by distracting ourselves right? Now, we realize how bad that actually is for our mental health and our body's wellbeing.
Accepting that some days are not okay and that’s okay.
Death is part of life and how you cope or deal with it matters. A lot. But only to you and those who matter.
Losing my mother last week to a horrible disease and being a witness to the whole thing till the end was very hard and traumatic. However, death is the most real thing there is in this life. It wakes you up. Life is not meant to be easy, which is why it is harder to go through it alone. Grateful to my family and my close friends for being there and for your support even from really far away. It was felt here. Penelope Santos is one of my closest friends that knows me from my childhood. She’s always been one of the people I’ve always admired and treasure as a sister.
This week, finally feeling like myself again. I had the honor and pleasure to share our podcast with a very special person to me. My best friend and sister from another mother (who was my mom’s best friend too. Love you Marylin ❤) Penelope Santos. She’s a Journalist working on strategic planning, Social Media, and Website design. Secretly poetry writer and home baker ❤ All the way from my home town Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic.
E1:4E
In this episode we dive into:
Creativity through adversity. -Grief has many layers that affect our everyday lives.
Social Media boundaries to stay focused & get clarity mentally and emotionally.
Focus on creativity, your worth is not attached to your productivity.
Value your own journey. The grief of who you used to be and how things change for all of us because surviving in a world pandemic is freaking hard.
Being creative is an experiment.
Artists are always exposing themselves. Art in any form is liberation. Self-care is self-preservation.
Lack of empathy? Are we losing it or learning to get back to be more conscious?
Climate change is personal too.
Education is key — sustainability, climate change, environment, ecology, agriculture, and embracing the circular economy.
Staying creative and education system during a world pandemic.
Grades systems (comes from colonialism and capitalism systems) not good for mental health for children.
Fear of failing and personal high expectations can be toxic.
Therapy and healing is the best investment for yourself.
Light & Dark work are always together and they need to be balanced.
Emotional intelligence is hard work and we are not taught this in school. We should.
Social Media can be toxic if you are not careful. Hate speech needs to stop. Ex: Curly hair Girls communities.
Insanity and wrongdoing to others are not normal or acceptable.
I’m really grateful for Penelope’s wisdom, realness, and her story that she has overcome as a Journalist and Creative artist. I hope her story and a little bit of our combined female warrior wisdom can help someone not to give up and remember that you matter and are always good enough.
Life is hard and it is a learning experience, that doesn’t require going through it alone. Human connection along with our inner spirits are the main root or source that helps us stay in our light. Keep nurturing love through our own selves by self-care and give as much as you can, when you’re in the presence of others. Especially those that matter a lot to us. Pepe’s support of me and my family through our caregiving days of my mom for 7 years, and our grieving journey was vital but also life-changing for both of our families. We became closer and learn to listen to understand each other better. Her family support and kindness is appreciated immensely. Even if they couldn’t be physically present, they were there on facetime, wassup calls, and google calls too.
Which leaves a lot to say from our own flesh and blood. My mother’s family only reached us once their own sister, cousin, and aunt was dead. Let that sink in. It was worse, when we found out by getting into my mother’s Facebook account, how many beautiful messages and love she would send to her family. Trying to connect with them, because perhaps she already knew what was to come. They never reach, call or answer her back. Remember, Family is not only blood-related. And if you have one good friend that cares a lot about you, do not let them go. Treasure them because those are rare these days.
In other words, in grief, self-care means so much more than massages, spa appointments, and girls' night out. (although I wish I could do these, don’t get me wrong. Unfortunately, we are still in a world pandemic)
One of the things I’ve been doing is understanding the meaning of self-care while grieving a loved one. This content also applies to those grieving the loss of someone they love due to coronavirus.
After my mom died which was a profound loss, self-care felt and literally still is self-preservation.
At the moment, writing an ebook guide on grief but here are some key points that I’ll be covering in more depth in my book (stay tuned!).
We need to be mindful of what we give our energy to because we have so little of it left when we are in so much pain. Also, have strong boundaries with people as much as they are trying to help. Their lack of understanding that you need space and that you can’t engage or be the same person you were before. Actually can contribute to slow your healing process. Protect your energy at all costs and those who don’t understand, are not your peeps and you need to stay away from those people, as far as you can.
We need to think deeply about what truly matters to us now because we’ve changed in profound ways.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Which may lead us to make changes to where we live, what work we do, and what kind of relationships we want to have moving forward.
Self-care means seeking appropriate support. For some of us, that means therapy, EMDR, or other forms of support for trauma, coaching, or counseling.
For me was books, my family, and loyal friendships, and what I’ve learned, plus wrote during my therapy sessions in the middle of this year. My therapist helped me a lot, and she prepared my mind for what was to come. For that, I’m always grateful and that’s why I’m able to show up, keep my head up and continue to heal, and stand strong mentally and emotionally.
Self-care during grieving also means taking care of your physical body too. Because grief truly is a full-body experience.
Self-care is also listening to our inner voice, our spirit and having firm but loving boundaries, and making our well-being a priority.
Without self-care, we can’t function and we can’t show up fully for our lives and for the people we love who are still here ❤
Whatever it looks like for you, self-care isn’t selfish. It is self-preservation.
Remember, Technology (when used consciously and with strict self-boundaries) has been vital to keep connected, to work from home, and seek mental health support when it is necessary.
In other words, there are no excuses to not reach anybody. Especially, if you are having a hard time. I hope you are reaching those friends and family that during this time are very silent and are not engaging as they were before covid-19. Please do reach them and reach each other often. Talking from the experience of losing many friends to suicide this year. And almost lost my life too. Depression is real and very difficult to deal with alone.
Nobody should suffer in silence just because they feel ashamed to say that they are having a difficult time. Here in Quebec, suicide has increased more than in the past years combined. Mental health illnesses have doubled for those who were suffering mild cases, but now are harder to live through plus work at the same time.
Your Mental Health is a priority during a world pandemic, even if these capitalist and white supremacy systems are designed to make us think otherwise.
No employer or corporation that is thriving during a world pandemic through the slave labor of employees, should demand more or fire them if they are having mental health problems or they are suffering from the aftermath of having covid-19 (which by the way symptoms can last many weeks or months).
Especially, if the company or corporation does not provide health insurance to those employees. Know your rights and value your WORTH. But also nobody should suffer alone. All humans need to connect and feel support from our surrounding ecosystem.
If you don’t have the support you need, perhaps no family or lack of friends. I’m here and this community is open for you. Email me or reach me on IG. Don’t give up, you are not alone.
I hope through this podcast episode and this blog today, I’m encouraging you to reach your loved ones more often. Tell the people you love “I love you” more often. Forgive, be more compassionate and use your empathy to serve and do good. Be kind to your planet, to you and others.
Especially, if you can’t be with them or see them this holiday. ❤ Love is love and it doesn’t have an expiring date. Time, ego, and individualism are illusions. Spread love, kindness, joy, positive affirmation, and do it often. Because you never know who might need to hear those words today.
If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help, resources are available.
The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, Depression Hurts, Kids Help Phone 1–800–668–6868, and the Trans Lifeline 1–877–330–6366 all offer ways of getting help if you, or someone you know, maybe suffering from mental health issues.
In Quebec, the number to call is 1–866-APPELLEE (277–3553).
Love and Light,
_AO.
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